The Dutch started it with a wicked video, and now other European countries are following suit, campaigning to come second if US President Donald Trump keeps insisting on “America first”.
Broadcasters across the continent are publishing satirical videos in a Trump-cadenced voice, mocking with the personal likes and dislikes that shape his decision-making and his negativity towards the European Union.
Switzerland, Portugal, Lithuania, Denmark, Germany and Luxembourg were among the first to have published their replies. The trend has even snowballed with Kazakhstan joining in.
In case you aren’t familiar with with either of these countries, their video pitch will help you learn more about the history and culture...from Trump’s perspective.
Deville Late Night, a Swiss late-night talk show, made the case for Switzerland by noting, “...we also love to treat our women badly. Love it. We didn’t let them vote until 1971. In some places, even until 1990. We grab them by the civil rights. And they let us do it.”
The tongue-in-cheek rhetoric goes on to say, “Like the KKK we also like to ride on horses and burn things.”
Danish talk show Natholdet picked on controversies around Trump and flaunted their infrastructure – “We know you like golden showers, excuse me, golden towers, and we have one, the golden tower in Tivoli Gardens” – and even offered to turn its wind power to oil.
The German late-night talk show Neo Magazin Royale, produced by comedian Jan Böhmermann, took a more sinister jibe by delving into its “best history in the world,” claiming that Adolf Hitler “made Germany great again.”
The Belgian satirical news magazine De Ideale Wereld got in on the action by remembering the time Trump called its capital city, Brussels, “a huge hell hole.”
The Portuguese late-night talk show 5 Para A Meia-Noite begins, “Our founding father and first king fought his own mother – a total bitch – and kicked the Arabs off what was to become our land. Yeah...The Arabs. We know what you’re thinking: our first king would be a great secretary of defence. He’s dead now. Sad!”
The Internet channel LaisvesTV from Lithuania took a reality check and admitted that the small nation didn’t deserve second place from Trump’s perspective. Nevertheless a Laikykites Ten video decided to stir special interest in walls:
“We destroyed it (the Soviet Union) by building a wall – a wall of people...It was a real human wall called the Baltic Way. It was the best wall. Enormous. Even Pink Floyd called and said that our wall was the best. It’s true. That doesn’t mean we don’t have walls now. We have Ten Walls. He is the best electronic DJ in the world. Can you imagine? Ten walls? Not one. Not two. But ten.”
The video from Luxembourg – “yes it really is a country” – starts with the basics such as getting the pronunciation of the name right.
Radio channel Eldoradio’s video-making arm Eldo TV used all the clichés related to Luxembourg – tax haven for global elite, ArcelorMittal’s steel beams, and the Grand Duchess and the Grand Duke being immigrants – to mock Trump.
A website titled “Every Second Counts” has made a repository of all the videos with flags of every European country arranged on a round-table. Guess which country is coming up with the next video.
The website doesn’t have one video, though, which is from Kazakhstan (“greatest country in the world”, according to Borat). Although the introduction in not in a mock-Trump voice, the video takes the viewer through the traditions of the country – a president who has been in power for 27 years and bad roads.
“After all this hard time we gave you...can we just say...just notice us!”