The Kiss Day episode teaches us many things. For one thing, it shows us what the Congress and the BJP can achieve when they join forces. It all started with Jaihind TV, a channel launched by Sonia Gandhi in 2007. At 9am last Thursday, they had breaking news. The breaking news was that people were hugging, that too in a coffee shop. They revealed how young men and women were "misusing" the premises for "immoral" activities, and the police were doing nothing. The video shows blurry figures doing hot things, such as kissing and hugging. At one point, they show two people of different sexes under one umbrella. The anchor looks disapproving. "If this is not stopped," she says, "We will have a generation of people who won’t follow the rules."

Luckily someone was there to enforce them. Within two hours of this, 15-20 members of the Junior BJP, who looked fully-grown to me, arrive waving flags. Jaihind TV is there, cameras set up, ready for action. The boys get going smoothly, with nice, open-shouldered stances and strong, fluid arm movements. They smash glass and wreck furniture, making sure their flags are clearly on display at all times. You would expect that after this they would take out their brooms and clean up, but instead they run away. The Jaihind team wraps up and moves out, having seen an investigative report through to its conclusion.

Enter Rahul Pasupalan, and his wife Reshmi Nair, who decide to stage a peaceful protest called Kiss of Love on November 2, which they will call Kiss Day. They will hold up placards. They may or may not kiss. The excitement mounts. Some people get so excited that they register a case in the Kerala High Court, saying, what is this, kissing? Unlike the angular reverse buttock flip, and the rapid front-and-back bosom heave, kissing is not part of our culture. But the Kerala Court dismisses their plea. Meanwhile, the police may or may not give permission for the protest. The matter requires thought, given that kissing is involved.

Kiss Day arrives, and the crowd is throbbing with anticipation. Everyone is very excited. Some say they will kiss in the nude. Others, practical but optimistic, expect them to be semi-clad. Either way, this is the most excitement Kochi has seen since India woke up to life and freedom. The protestors try to hold up their placards. They kiss a bit. Then they march a bit. Once more we witness an unexpected union, which shows what we could someday become. Hindu fanatics and Muslim fanatics join forces and abuse them, Hindus from the left, Muslims from the right. They look like they could turn violent. This is when the police decide not to give permission to the protest after all, and arrest the protestors. They have created a law and order situation. The anti-protest protestors are allowed to leave, because the Kiss of Love people were the ones who started it.

Culprit is clear

This is the main thing we learn from this case. When it comes to law and order problems, the culprit is the one who started it. What anyone else does, or threatens to do is irrelevant. This episode from a nearby school playground will make it clearer. Names have been changed to protect identities.

Babloo: Auntie, auntie, Gangu was saying my mummy is fat, so I threw him down the stairs!

Gangoo (faintly): My leg is broke, can anyone get a doctor?

Auntie (looking down stairs): How dare you hurt his sentiments, Gangoo? Doctor can wait, first you go to detention. And Babloo, are you feeling OK, beta? Breathing normally now? Not so upset? So lucky we are.

So remember, before you try any form of peaceful protest, the thing you have to ask yourself is this. Could someone feel hurt? Could someone get angry? Could someone fail to control himself and beat me up, possibly one-handed because he will be holding a flag with the other?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, you will be going to jail.