Hello, my name is Rahul Mahapatra and I’m a card artist.

I can do artful tricks with cards. I am good at deception. I have mastered legerdemain when it comes to cards. I can manipulate them, cull them, bottom deal, second deal, middle deal, Greek deal, false shuffle, riffle shuffle, count cards, make cards disappear and reappear, make players cut cards in a manner to suit me, false cut … all of it and more, and without my fellow players noticing anything.

How? Well, I just told you I’m a card artist. I can also do a few tricks with coins, but I’m not a sorcerer. I have no juju. I cannot cut people in half and join them again, I can’t make a dove disappear from under a handkerchief, I cannot pull rabbits from a hat – oh, hold on, maybe I can.

Hi, I am Saurabh Mathur, and I’m a musician. I say musician, but I’m not in some rock or jazz band, nor do I compose film scores. And, as a matter of fact, I haven’t had any professional training – I’m what they call an autodidact, a self-taught person. My instrument of choice is the violin, but I can play most stringed instruments. I perform at dinners and parties, where people invite me to entertain their guests. I am not a celebrity performer so the money isn’t great, but it’s okay. I get by. Money shouldn’t be the goal for an artist. Sometimes, I get paid less than the tips I receive.

Oftentimes, as a second act, I perform some card tricks for children – for free, just to entertain them. It gets me bigger tips if the parents are impressed, and when I leave a mark, the kids tell their parents to invite me to more parties.

Hello world, you are supposed to call me Dimpy Raja, though not many people know me by that name. I was born in a small town in Uttar Pradesh that remained a part of UP when the state split into two. Tangential info, but I thought I’d still let you know. I come from a lower-middle-class background. I say “middle class” but if I’m being honest, and if they based the classification on financial status alone, I’m pretty sure I’d be classified as an underclass. But hey, why bother?

I failed in school simply because I could never give a concise answer to questions asked in examinations. I detest people who merely want the basics, no frills. I mean, your life isn’t just the essential bits; it’s the flourishes, the embellishments, the asides … are you with me?

Just a little piece of trivia: the three of us are the same person.

Let me put it in simple terms for you. I am a conman. Con has several synonyms: scam, rip-off, sting, hustle, swindle, flimflam … you get the idea, so take your pick. The term originates from ‘confidence trick’, shortened to “con trick” or “con game”, further shortened to con. And the person being conned is called a mark, rube or gull (short for gullible). Remember that.

Another thing to note is that there are short cons and long cons. While a short con takes seconds or minutes, a long con is something that unfolds over an extended period of time – weeks or months – and involves a script, teamwork, sets, stages, costumes and props, among other things. It also involves large sums of money. Will you remember that too, please?

Excerpted with permission from The Secret Diary of a Conman, Vish Dhamija, Pan MacMillan India.