I grew up adoring my parents.
They were everything to me.
They shaped my values, my reality, my fears, my ambitions.
In my eyes, they could do nothing wrong.
Until, I began to see the “wrong”.
Or how their thinking wasn’t always right.
And how they could also make mistakes.
We all have that moment when we realise our parents are also human.
And that moment can be unsettling.
So, most of us begin to hate our parents – for having this split personality.
When the truth is – that IS their personality.
We confused their role as parents with their personalities.
Here is what helped me:
I began to see my parents as normal people.
I love them, I respect them and I care.
But I also recognise they are not perfect.
And I am okay with that.
Parents are humans first.
Parents second.
Which means, they too can be wrong.
They too can be toxic.
They too can be unreasonable.
Your parents had a very different life from yours.
For them, survival was the key.
To have a monthly income to pay the bills.
The fees, the rent.
They didn’t consider that exploring different careers, taking a gap year or switching jobs, were even options.
And they probably learnt that from their parents.
So, they found a job and stuck with it until they retired.
But we live in a completely different world.
So, it’s understandable that they don’t understand you and your ways.
However, it’s important for you to realise this: They want the SAME thing for your life that you want for yourself.
They wish for you the same money, fame, stability, respect, that you crave for.
It’s just that the paths differ.
So, look at your parents not as people who do not understand you.
But instead, as people who do not understand how the world works now.
Educate them. Make them aware.
Give them the confidence that while the path is different, your destinations are the same.
When I dropped out of my full-scholarship PhD in the US, my parents were devastated.
They’d pinned all their hopes on me.
Borrowed money for me.
But I came back to India.
With nothing in hand.
They thought I’d made a terrible decision.
And I was angry with them for not understanding!
Until it dawned on me.
When my dad quit his first job, his second job didn’t work out.
His career stalled. Spiralling us into financial debt.
My mother bore the financial and emotional burden of that debt.
Turns out, they weren’t against me.
They were just afraid the same could happen to me!
Everyone’s life experiences shape them up to see the world the way they do.
So they advise you based on their experience.
They tell you they tried for their dreams, and it didn’t work.
They don’t know you, but you do.
They don’t know what you’ve been through, but you do.
They don’t know what you truly want, as well as you do.
And they don’t need to.
But you do.
So you have to try things for yourself.
Armed with awareness, the resources you need and faith in yourself.
And if things don’t work out as you wanted, there’s always a lesson in the process.
And that lesson might be just what you need to move forward.
Excerpted with permission from Build an Epic Career, Ankur Warikoo, Penguin India.
