Being a woman has always been my strength, and I have never seen it as a challenge or a disadvantage that has kept me from growing in my field. That said, I work relentlessly to ensure that I live my personal and professional life to the fullest. The universe has blessed me with a loving family and professional success, and I refuse to take any aspect of my life for granted.
Women often ask me how I maintain work–life balance. The truth is, it is hard to divide time equally between work and personal life on a daily basis. Former Pepsico CEO Indra Nooyi had once famously said this:
I don’t think women can have it all. I just don’t think so. We pretend we have it all. We pretend we can have it all. My husband and I have been married for 34 years. And we have two daughters. And every day you have to decide whether you are going to be a wife or a mother, in fact, many times during the day you have to make those decisions. And you have to co-opt a lot of people to help you. We co-opted our families to help us. We plan our lives meticulously so we can be decent parents. But if you ask our daughters, I’m not sure they will say that I’ve been a good mom. I’m not sure. And I try all kinds of coping mechanisms.
Her statement resonates with me so much, because every single day I have to choose between being a wife and a mother and being an entrepreneur. All I can tell women in my shoes is that it gets easier as your children grow older. It also helps if you manage expectations from the start, are kinder to yourself and create a support system around you that makes life easier and these struggles bearable. Also, pick your battles wisely. No two days in our lives are alike, so adjust your focus daily, depending on the challenges that await you. Some days I am judging international wine competitions, on others I am hosting high-end dinners for an organisation or teaching a course at the academy. No matter what I do, I commit to it fully, giving it my complete focus. And this applies when I spend time with my family too.
I want my home to look beautiful; I know which faucet needs to be repaired or if the coffee table needs a fresh coat of varnish. If we are hosting a party, I will go over the menu and ensure that the guests never run out of aperitifs and that there’s no shortage of glassware. I want to be there by my husband’s side when he has social commitments; I clear my schedule for Rianna’s annual day or parent–teacher meetings. I keep regular salon appointments to turn up well-presented each time, even if it is for a regular workday at the office, a family gathering or a coffee date with my friends. Even if I can’t do everything myself, I delegate and ensure that the work gets done.
That’s why, just like a superwoman needs her cape, a woman leader needs a cohort of supporters who enable her to lead the charge fearlessly. It can include moms, wives, husbands, fathers, brothers, sisters, colleagues or friends who assure you that your home or work will not fall apart even if you focus your energies elsewhere. I think every pioneer’s recollection of their journey is incomplete unless they talk about their support system and acknowledge how its existence allowed them to dare and dream big.
It was only because I could leave my daughter in my mother’s expert hands that I could be away from home for weeks at a stretch. My parents would pack their bags and hold the fort at home whenever I was away for my studies. I cannot be grateful enough for the unconditional love and support that they showered on me throughout my life, putting me on the path to success in every aspect of life from an early age.
I have written extensively about the influence Andrew has had on my life. As a husband, he has been equally invested in my success and always holds me to high standards. Sometimes, this tough love does rob me of joy. A few months ago, I took a day off from work to relax at home after a hectic week. Just as I sat down with a steaming cup of tea, I got a call from Andrew, who was away from home on a work trip.
“How come you are at home at this time of day? Didn’t you go to the office?” he asked.
“I took a day off, Andrew. I’m tired.”
“Oh, taking it easy now, are we?” he quipped.
His response was enough for me to feel guilty. I quickly gulped my tea and headed to the office.
I would advise women to marry men who fuel their fire and support their vision and never become a hindrance to their growth. Or else don’t marry at all. There is no in-between for us, women. I chose a partner who is my biggest fan and wants to see me win and will always have my back.
Not just your husband though – make sure the other men in your life believe in you and are not intimidated by your strengths. The men in my life just bring a different kind of energy that creates a balancing effect. My father guided me as a headstrong youngster and put me on the right path, while my husband anchors my impatience with his calm demeanour.
I surround myself with men who want to co-create my success; hence, I never have to fret over naysayers. Of course, when a confrontation is unavoidable, you need to take a stand, but every woman leader must accept that sometimes, it is better to walk away gracefully and let your work speak for you.
As a woman leader in a male-dominated industry, I am often the only woman at the table or on a podium. I am never conscious of it unless others point it out. Honestly, I’m never bothered by the number of men around me. Once you have built authority in a domain and shown leadership in your career, you enjoy a certain stature in the industry where people know they cannot cross a certain line with you.
However, I didn’t enjoy this stature at the beginning of my career, and sexism was the subtext in a lot of conversations I had with men in positions of influence.
“Why do you have to work so hard, darling? You are well off, just enjoy yourself.” I remember swallowing my pride as a budding wine professional when an established name in the industry threw this gem my way. “Don’t worry about the presentation, darling, just wear your solitaires and come, I’ll take care of the rest,” a colleague in the hotel industry once remarked when I approached him to discuss an upcoming meeting. “Isn’t your husband giving you enough pocket money? Why do you need to work?” said one gentleman, when I briefly dabbled in a new business that may have threatened his business.
Even today, many assume Andrew puts money into my business to keep it afloat. But it couldn’t be farther from the truth. I can proudly say that all of my businesses are self-sustaining. Taking failures and successes equally well has only increased my risk appetite, and I can confidently take bold decisions for any of my businesses.
No matter how qualified or accomplished they are, women leaders cannot escape sexism. But we have to feel secure in our careers and not feel the need to address it constantly. I don’t feel compelled to change a guy’s opinion about me or my business. I refuse to constantly be an angry woman who must pick every battle that comes her way – that does nothing but deplete my energy. My focus is always on giving back something good to the industry and, while it’s tempting to give it back to all the mansplainers, it is an exhausting task. I would rather use my time to groom other women into leadership roles so that they can pick a few of the battles that I’ve left untouched. I am blessed with the opportunity to help other women build their careers. Women make up nearly 70 per cent of employees at SoHo Wines, and nearly half of our followers on social media are women. It is not as if I have intentionally hired more women or curated my social media following gender-wise. I may attract more women professionals because they feel the organisation has a safe and progressive work environment that encourages professional and personal growth. On the social media front, I constantly get messages from women telling me how refreshing and inspiring it is to see a woman pursuing her dreams with such knowledge and authority.
In recent years, I have actively looked at how I can fuel the fire for women professionals who don’t work with me. I have launched initiatives like Women in Wine, and spoken at women forums like Ladies Who Lead and SheThePeople.TV, which has expanded my reach beyond the wine industry. This way, I hope to inspire women working across different spheres to keep powering through the challenges they face in their professional growth.
Speaking to women from different walks of life and reflecting on my journey over the years has also allowed me to see the internal factors that keep women from realising their potential. First, women are bound by too many fears, which I think stems from their conditioning since childhood. I know every woman can’t achieve absolute freedom, but they can push the limits and break the cycle of patriarchal policing for the next generation.
Second, women need to replenish their core. Women are expected to make sacrifices for their families and put their priorities on the back burner. If women don’t want to continue giving joylessly, then they need to master the art of chasing happiness. And you do not need to make dramatic gestures of self care to make this happen. Simple acts like getting your nails done, buying a new dress, calling up a long-lost friend for a quick conversation or stepping out with your sister for a movie are all acts of kindness towards yourself that can fill your life with joy. And when you feel replete with happiness, the act of giving will bring you joy instead of seeming like a duty. I pursue happiness like my life depends on it.
Excerpted with permission from One In a Billion: Becoming India’s First Master of Wine, Sonal C Holland, Westland Business.
