When we heard that the government had declared December 25 as Good Governance Day, we were glad. They finally gave December the one thing it lacked: an important holiday. We were convinced that this was a good idea the minute we heard about it. However, people don’t believe anything without proof. So, to prove that the government made the right decision, we used the Hot Tub Time Machine to send our special correspondent 10 years into the future, and he was able to “Edward Snowden” a whole bunch of student essays about this holy day. After going through the lot, we believe that the following is the best one.
It all began with a circular.
When the first Modi government sent a circular declaring the birth anniversary of Eternal Icon Atal Bihari Vajpayeeji as Good Governance Day, little did they know that they would be changing the world forever.
For on that blessed day, the landmass known as Akhand Bharat witnessed events that it had never seen before in its million year history! From that day onwards, government employees started coming to work on time. Policemen refused to take bribes from criminals to set them free. Teachers started showing up to their assigned school instead of spending all their time giving tuitions. Ministers allotting government contracts refused to favour companies that offered to give them a cut. It was a Good Governance Day miracle!
Taking inspiration from the public’s support of its endeavours, the government declared New Year’s Eve to be Advani Diwas – a day of remembering all the things that we wanted to achieve throughout the year but couldn’t. Valentine’s Day became Parents Day, an expression of love and gratitude towards the people who brought us into this world to serve the motherland. And Halloween was turned into the Shri Satyaanand Subramanian Swamy Gharwapsi Din, a day of return for those errant individuals whose ancestors had been tempted away into joining other religions.
But the most important reason the day is noteworthy is that it set the stage for the wide adoption of Moditva, a personal philosophy that directs its adherents to live their lives by following the principles of 3P – Prayer, Patriotism and Productivity. Prayer, because we are nothing without the kindness of the supreme pracharak. Patriotism, because our only purpose in life should be to add to the glory of the motherland. Productivity, because when we are not producing we’re giving our enemies a chance to leave us behind.
The widespread adoption of the 3P model of living allowed the citizens of Akhand Bharat to finally realise their potential and help their motherland become the global superpower it is today. However, before that happened, they had to reject the destructive yoke of Nehruvian socialism. For seven decades, this corrosive force had held back the country from taking its rightful place in the world. Instead of imparting the lesson of self-reliance, this harmful ideology taught people to live their lives depending on government largesse.
To manifest the goal of Akhand Bharat, it was important to teach strength in thought as well as action. The first step was to make the citizens aware of the glorious legacy they inherited. A people ashamed of their past cannot build a successful future. Therefore, the skewed version of events depicted by the anti-national vested interests led by the Guha-Thapar faction was discarded, and a serious attempt was made to replace it with what actually happened. Thanks to the intellectual bravery of the Modi sarkar, the citizens of Akhand Bharat were finally able to feel pride in the achievements of their predecessors.
Ancient India was a burgeoning multi-cultural society with even more modern conveniences than we have today. They had mastered the art of pilotless flight, while we still struggle with driverless cars. They had figured out uninterrupted live streaming of epic battles, while our television screens go blank when it drizzles. Our predecessors had worked out how to cure life-threatening diseases and had a life expectancy of two hundred years while we are still scrambling to find an antidote for the common cold.
The Modi sarkar also helped right a lot of historical wrongs. For example, on the second Good Governance Day, the government finally recognised Sant Nathuram Godse for his contributions to the freedom struggle and declared him to be the new Father of the Nation for his brave act of sending that British stooge Mohandas to the big ashram in the sky.
Let us not forget that Good Governance Day is not only about serious contemplation, it’s also about having good, clean fun. During this divine day, families gather together and sing good governance carols extolling the virtues of a jolly, bearded, fat man. Couples stand under mistletoes for a chaste handshake to express their love for each other. Dining tables all over the country are overflowing in scrumptious traditional holiday fare like dhokla and fafda.
As Prime Minister Narendra Modi once said, “Good Governance is my birthright. And I shall have it!”
You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why
Because Good Governance Is Coming to Town
Amit Shah’s making a list
And checking it twice;
He’s gonna find out
Who’s naughty or nice
Because Good Governance Is Coming to Town
Amitbhai sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake
Because Good Governance Is Coming to Town
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It all began with a circular.
When the first Modi government sent a circular declaring the birth anniversary of Eternal Icon Atal Bihari Vajpayeeji as Good Governance Day, little did they know that they would be changing the world forever.
For on that blessed day, the landmass known as Akhand Bharat witnessed events that it had never seen before in its million year history! From that day onwards, government employees started coming to work on time. Policemen refused to take bribes from criminals to set them free. Teachers started showing up to their assigned school instead of spending all their time giving tuitions. Ministers allotting government contracts refused to favour companies that offered to give them a cut. It was a Good Governance Day miracle!
Taking inspiration from the public’s support of its endeavours, the government declared New Year’s Eve to be Advani Diwas – a day of remembering all the things that we wanted to achieve throughout the year but couldn’t. Valentine’s Day became Parents Day, an expression of love and gratitude towards the people who brought us into this world to serve the motherland. And Halloween was turned into the Shri Satyaanand Subramanian Swamy Gharwapsi Din, a day of return for those errant individuals whose ancestors had been tempted away into joining other religions.
But the most important reason the day is noteworthy is that it set the stage for the wide adoption of Moditva, a personal philosophy that directs its adherents to live their lives by following the principles of 3P – Prayer, Patriotism and Productivity. Prayer, because we are nothing without the kindness of the supreme pracharak. Patriotism, because our only purpose in life should be to add to the glory of the motherland. Productivity, because when we are not producing we’re giving our enemies a chance to leave us behind.
The widespread adoption of the 3P model of living allowed the citizens of Akhand Bharat to finally realise their potential and help their motherland become the global superpower it is today. However, before that happened, they had to reject the destructive yoke of Nehruvian socialism. For seven decades, this corrosive force had held back the country from taking its rightful place in the world. Instead of imparting the lesson of self-reliance, this harmful ideology taught people to live their lives depending on government largesse.
To manifest the goal of Akhand Bharat, it was important to teach strength in thought as well as action. The first step was to make the citizens aware of the glorious legacy they inherited. A people ashamed of their past cannot build a successful future. Therefore, the skewed version of events depicted by the anti-national vested interests led by the Guha-Thapar faction was discarded, and a serious attempt was made to replace it with what actually happened. Thanks to the intellectual bravery of the Modi sarkar, the citizens of Akhand Bharat were finally able to feel pride in the achievements of their predecessors.
Ancient India was a burgeoning multi-cultural society with even more modern conveniences than we have today. They had mastered the art of pilotless flight, while we still struggle with driverless cars. They had figured out uninterrupted live streaming of epic battles, while our television screens go blank when it drizzles. Our predecessors had worked out how to cure life-threatening diseases and had a life expectancy of two hundred years while we are still scrambling to find an antidote for the common cold.
The Modi sarkar also helped right a lot of historical wrongs. For example, on the second Good Governance Day, the government finally recognised Sant Nathuram Godse for his contributions to the freedom struggle and declared him to be the new Father of the Nation for his brave act of sending that British stooge Mohandas to the big ashram in the sky.
Let us not forget that Good Governance Day is not only about serious contemplation, it’s also about having good, clean fun. During this divine day, families gather together and sing good governance carols extolling the virtues of a jolly, bearded, fat man. Couples stand under mistletoes for a chaste handshake to express their love for each other. Dining tables all over the country are overflowing in scrumptious traditional holiday fare like dhokla and fafda.
As Prime Minister Narendra Modi once said, “Good Governance is my birthright. And I shall have it!”
* * *
You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why
Because Good Governance Is Coming to Town
Amit Shah’s making a list
And checking it twice;
He’s gonna find out
Who’s naughty or nice
Because Good Governance Is Coming to Town
Amitbhai sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake
Because Good Governance Is Coming to Town