Sometimes you watch a film and cannot help but think that it was scribbled quickly on the back of a coffee shop serviette.

Shashanka Ghosh’s Plan A Plan B has those feels. The Netflix release pivots on the concept of opposites attracting but also the juvenile adage “Hate is the first sign of love”.

Rajat Arora’s script is pegged to the quirky and catchy idea of having a divorce lawyer and a matchmaker pitted against one another. Nirali Vora (Tamannah Bhatia) is a heartbroken psychologist who united individuals through science and Hallmark card philosophies. Nirali, who has taken over the matchmaking business from her mother (Poonam Dhillon), speaks like an eternal romantic but is blind to her own needs and prejudices.

Across the foyer from Nirali, in the same co-working space, is a successful and seemingly cold-hearted divorce lawyer. The immaculately dressed Kaustubh (Riteish Deshmukh) has OCD about everything. He cannot bear Nirali’s easy-going attitude and hokey methods. Kaustubh nurses his private hurt by swiping right on dating apps and offloading to his friend Girish.

A chat with Kaustubh’s wife and Nirali begins to thaw towards “Caustic”, while a man-to-man with a pre-teen is all it takes for Kaustubh to warm up to Nirali. Their mutual attraction is not borne out of any meaningful conversations but from listening to members of their respective coteries.

There is no Plan B in this story, no will they-won’t they suspense. You know where the story is headed – as does everyone else in Nirali and Kaustubh’s orbit – and yet it takes excruciatingly long for the 105-minute film to get to the point.

The jaunty background score has to work hard to suggest comedy, when what the script needed was wit. The styling and costumes are a huge distraction from the performances, though Deshmukh and Bhatia do manage to uplift the material and eke out a modicum of an emotional connection when required.

Plan A Plan B may not offer much of a good time, but it might be remembered for one of the most ungainly make-out scenes you can find on Netflix.

Plan A Plan B (2022).