'Let's look at a picture of the planet for no reason.' Watch a hilarious guide to giving TED Talks
Three comedians break down the popular conference and tell us that maybe the people up on stage aren't really saying anything very important.
We've seen it many times on our screens by now. A (usually) middle-aged (usually) white (usually) male in glasses walks on stage. He paces up and down while making profound disclosures and observations that are awe-inspiring and thought-provoking.
There's a presentation. Statistics. Pie charts. Trend lines. There are pauses at the right moments, emphasis on the right phrases, and we feel we have truly learnt some things we didn't know.
Indeed, the "thought leader" seems to have distilled the answers to life's greatest mysteries into a 45-minute talk. How does he do it?
In the video above, comedian Pat Kelly tells you exactly how.
"Walk on stage. Walk on stage. Walk on stage. I am a thought leader. You know I'm a thought leader because I am wearing a blazer and I have just done this with my hands."
So begins his talk on his weekly news satire show This is That, where he describes how to give the perfect TED Talk, inspire audience adulation, and get a standing ovation by saying nothing at all.
"If it's okay with you I'd like to come to the centre of the stage and give you some unremarkable context about how I became a thought leader."
How to react if your audience begins to wonder if what you are saying has a point? "Coming back to the centre of the stage. Slowing your speech. Lowering the volume of your voice. By looking at you directly. And by making a list on my fingers. I've made you believe there is one. Sip of water."
Back in 2012, The Onion did their own version of the popular TED Talks.
"The idea is there, it just needs implementation. Step 1: Devise an idea that creates a car that runs on compost. Step 2: Create the car", and to great applause, the young inventor says, "We've already completed step one. I'm an ideas man." Remind you of a certain famous inventor and CEO who believes we live in a video game?
And here's the most meta of TED Talks, a talk that Bertolt Brecht would be proud of, a TEDx Talk about "How to sound smart in your TEDx Talk."
"Hear that. That's nothing – which is what I as a speaker at today's conference have for you all. And yet through my manner of speaking, I will make it sound like I do have something to say."
And finally, here's a real TED Talk. We hope you can tell the difference.
