[My publisher refused to print this story, which made me squirm up, down, and in the middle quite a bit. The thing was that a lawsuit had been brought against it in Karachi and I was fined Rs 25. To find some amends, I wanted to squeeze another Rs 25 out of my publisher, but he didn’t give in. I fidgeted around a lot and somehow scraped together some funds to have this story published so that it might reach you. Surely you’ll welcome it because you’re my reader, not my publisher.
***
Mian Sahib: Ah, a chance to finally be together after quite a long time!
Begam Sahiba: That’s right.
Mian Sahib: Oh these umpteen responsibilities the nation expects me to shoulder...I can’t shirk them...for the sake of our people. I can hardly breathe.
Begam Sahiba: You know what your problem is – you’re far too compassionate...just like me.
Mian Sahib: Yes, yes, I’m kept abreast of your social activities. If you can find a free moment, do send me copies of the speeches you made on different occasions recently. I want to read them in my free time.
Begam Sahiba: Well, all right, I will.
Mian Sahib: So, Begam, what about it...I mean...you know?
Begam Sahiba: What about what?
Mian Sahib: Oh, maybe I didn’t mention...By chance, I ended up in our middle son’s room yesterday. Would you believe it, he was reading Lady Chatterley’s Lover.
Begam Sahiba: That wretched book!
Mian Sahib: Yes, Begam.
Begam Sahiba: So what did you do?
Mian Sahib: I snatched the book from his hand and hid it.
Begam Sahiba: You did the right thing.
Mian Sahib: Now I’m thinking of talking to the doctor and have him change our son’s diet.
Begam Sahiba: Exactly...the thing to do.
Mian Sahib: So how are you feeling these days?
Begam Sahiba: I’m fine.
Mian Sahib: I was thinking...to ask you.
Begam Sahiba: You’re really becoming very naughty.
Mian Sahib: All your doing...your infinite charms.
Begam Sahiba: But your health?
Mian Sahib: Health is good. Still I wouldn’t do anything without consulting the doctor first. But I must also make sure you’re fit as well.
Begam Sahiba: I’ll ask Miss Sildhana today.
Mian Sahib: And I’ll ask Dr. Jalal.
Begam Sahiba: In principle, that’s how it should be.
Mian Sahib: What if Dr. Jalal says it’s okay?
Begam Sahiba: And what if Miss Sildhana says it’s okay!...Anyway, you take care of yourself. Wrap the muffler securely around your neck. It’s blistery cold outside.
Mian Sahib: Thanks.
***
Dr. Jalal: Did you give her the green light?
Miss Sildhana: Yes.
Dr. Jalal: I also gave him permission...but only to play with him a little bit.
Miss Sildhana: And I felt like not letting her have the go-ahead, just for fun.
Dr. Jalal: I kind of felt sorry for him.
Miss Sildhana: So did I.
Dr. Jalal: After holding back for a whole year he…
Miss Sildhana: Yes, after a whole year.
Dr. Jalal: You know what? His pulse quickened as soon as I gave him the thumbs up.
Miss Sildhana: So did hers.
Dr. Jalal: He was afraid. He asked me, “Doctor, it seems as though my heart has gotten weaker...won’t you take my electrocardiogram?”
Miss Sildhana: And she asked for it too.
Dr. Jalal: Instead, I gave him a shot.
Miss Sildhana: So did I. A shot of only distilled water.
Dr. Jalal: Distilled water is perfect...the best.
Miss Sildhana: Jalal, what if you were this Begam’s husband?
Dr. Jalal: And you this man’s wife?
Miss Sildhana: It would have ruined my character.
Dr. Jalal: And it would have killed me.
Miss Sildhana: People would also have taken it as a flaw in your character.
Dr. Jalal: So what’s new...every time we visit these foolhardy socialites, we damage our character.
Miss Sildhana: It will be damaged today no less.
Dr. Jalal: In fact, quite a bit.
Miss Sildhana: But theirs take long intervals to spoil...and that’s the problem.
***
Begam Sahiba: This thing, Lady’s Chatterley’s Lover, why is it lying under your pillow?
Mian Sahib: I wanted to find out just how smutty it is.
Begam Sahiba: Well then, I’ll look at it along with you.
Mian Sahib: All right. I’ll pick out passages at random and read them to you…you listen.
Begam Sahiba: Suits me fine.
Mian Sahib: I’ve already changed our middle son’s diet after consulting the doctor.
Begam Sahiba: I was sure you wouldn’t be negligent about the matter.
Mian Sahib: I never put off until tomorrow what I can do today.
Begam Sahiba: I know that...especially the thing you have in mind for today.
Mian Sahib: You look very cheery today…
Begam Sahiba: Your charm, what else.
Mian Sahib: Oh, I’m very amused...now, if I have your permission...
Begam Sahiba: Wait. Have you brushed your teeth?
Mian Sahib: Yes, I have. I even rinsed my mouth with Detrol.
Begam Sahiba: I did too.
Mian Sahib: The fact is: we’re made just for each other.
Begam Sahiba: No doubt about it.
Mian Sahib: So now, may I start reading from this wretched book at random?
Begam Sahiba: Hold on. First check my pulse.
Mian Sahib: It’s a bit fast...now check mine.
Begam Sahiba: So is yours, a trifle fast.
Mian Sahib: I wonder why.
Begam Sahiba: Your heart ailment...what else.
Mian Sahib: Makes sense. That must be it...but Dr. Jalal said that it’s nothing to worry about.
Begam Sahiba: Miss Sildhana told me the same thing.
Mian Sahib: Did she give the go-ahead after a thorough examination?
Begam Sahiba: Absolutely...after a very thorough examination.
Mian Sahib: In that case, I guess we can proceed.
Begam Sahiba: You know best...Hope it won’t have an adverse effect on your health…
Mian Sahib: Or on yours either.
Begam Sahiba: One should take a step only after long, hard deliberation...
Mian Sahib: Miss Sildhana has taken care of that, hasn’t she?
Begam Sahiba: Of what? Oh yes – yes, of that she has.
Mian Sahib: You mean, it’s perfectly safe?
Begam Sahiba: Yes, it is.
Mian Sahib: Okay, take my pulse again.
Begam Sahiba: It’s normal…Now check mine.
Mian Sahib: Yours is normal too.
Begam Sahiba: Read now, some passage from this dirty book.
Mian Sahib: As you say. My pulse is jumping again.
Begam Sahiba: So is mine.
Mian Sahib: Have you had the servants put the necessary stuff in the room?
Begam Sahiba: Yes. Everything is here.
Mian Sahib: If you don’t mind, please take my pulse again.
Begam Sahiba: Can’t you take it yourself...The stopwatch is handy.
Mian Sahib: Yes, we should note it down too.
Begam Sahiba: Where are the smelling salts?
Mian Sahib: Got to be with the rest of the stuff.
Begam Sahiba: Yes, they’re there on the teapoy.
Mian Sahib: I think we should raise the temperature in the room a bit.
Begam Sahiba: Yes, we should.
Mian Sahib: If you see me growing faint, please don’t forget to give me medicine.
Begam Sahiba: I will try if…
Mian Sahib: Yes, but otherwise, please don’t bother.
Begam Sahiba: Read, read this whole page.
Mian Sahib: Okay, listen…
Begam Sahiba: What – you sneezed?
Mian Sahib: Don’t know why.
Begam Sahiba: I’m amazed.
Mian Sahib: I no less. Begam Sahiba: I know...I lowered the thermostat instead of raising it. Forgive me.
Mian Sahib: I think it was good that I sneezed. It alerted us in time.
Begam Sahiba: I really am very sorry.
Mian Sahib: Oh, don’t worry. Twelve drops of brandy will take care of it.
Begam Sahiba: Stop! Let me pour them out. You always mess up the count.
Mian Sahib: Very true. You pour.
Begam Sahiba: Drink slowly...very slowly.
Mian Sahib: This is slow enough.
Begam Sahiba: So how do you feel now – better?
Mian Sahib: I’m getting there.
Begam Sahiba: Maybe you should rest a little.
Mian Sahib: I was feeling the need for it myself.
***
Male Servant: What’s the matter. No sign of Begam Sahib anywhere today.
Maid: She isn’t feeling well.
Male Servant: Mian Sahib isn’t feeling well either.
Maid: We saw that coming – didn’t we?
Male Servant: Yes. But I’m at a loss to understand.
Maid: Understand what?
Male Servant: These games Nature plays. We should have been on our deathbed** today instead.
Maid: What kind of talk is that? It’s they who should be on their deathbeds.
Male Servant: Now don’t bring up their being on deathbeds...that would be a marvelous sight to see. I’d be seized by this overwhelming desire to gather her into my arms and carry her into my little room.
Maid: Where are you going?
Male Servant: To look for a carpenter...that damned cot, its about to crumble.
Maid: Yes, of course. Tell him to use very sturdy wood this time.
**Manto’s use of the word is ironic. What is meant is the conjugal bed.
Translated by Muhammad Umar Memon, Department of Languages and Cultures of Asia, UW-Madison; 2013. These translations were published in The Journal of Urdu Studies. This short story has been published under the Creative Commons licence.
We welcome your comments at
letters@scroll.in.
Signed: Sa’adat Hasan Manto]
***
Mian Sahib: Ah, a chance to finally be together after quite a long time!
Begam Sahiba: That’s right.
Mian Sahib: Oh these umpteen responsibilities the nation expects me to shoulder...I can’t shirk them...for the sake of our people. I can hardly breathe.
Begam Sahiba: You know what your problem is – you’re far too compassionate...just like me.
Mian Sahib: Yes, yes, I’m kept abreast of your social activities. If you can find a free moment, do send me copies of the speeches you made on different occasions recently. I want to read them in my free time.
Begam Sahiba: Well, all right, I will.
Mian Sahib: So, Begam, what about it...I mean...you know?
Begam Sahiba: What about what?
Mian Sahib: Oh, maybe I didn’t mention...By chance, I ended up in our middle son’s room yesterday. Would you believe it, he was reading Lady Chatterley’s Lover.
Begam Sahiba: That wretched book!
Mian Sahib: Yes, Begam.
Begam Sahiba: So what did you do?
Mian Sahib: I snatched the book from his hand and hid it.
Begam Sahiba: You did the right thing.
Mian Sahib: Now I’m thinking of talking to the doctor and have him change our son’s diet.
Begam Sahiba: Exactly...the thing to do.
Mian Sahib: So how are you feeling these days?
Begam Sahiba: I’m fine.
Mian Sahib: I was thinking...to ask you.
Begam Sahiba: You’re really becoming very naughty.
Mian Sahib: All your doing...your infinite charms.
Begam Sahiba: But your health?
Mian Sahib: Health is good. Still I wouldn’t do anything without consulting the doctor first. But I must also make sure you’re fit as well.
Begam Sahiba: I’ll ask Miss Sildhana today.
Mian Sahib: And I’ll ask Dr. Jalal.
Begam Sahiba: In principle, that’s how it should be.
Mian Sahib: What if Dr. Jalal says it’s okay?
Begam Sahiba: And what if Miss Sildhana says it’s okay!...Anyway, you take care of yourself. Wrap the muffler securely around your neck. It’s blistery cold outside.
Mian Sahib: Thanks.
***
Dr. Jalal: Did you give her the green light?
Miss Sildhana: Yes.
Dr. Jalal: I also gave him permission...but only to play with him a little bit.
Miss Sildhana: And I felt like not letting her have the go-ahead, just for fun.
Dr. Jalal: I kind of felt sorry for him.
Miss Sildhana: So did I.
Dr. Jalal: After holding back for a whole year he…
Miss Sildhana: Yes, after a whole year.
Dr. Jalal: You know what? His pulse quickened as soon as I gave him the thumbs up.
Miss Sildhana: So did hers.
Dr. Jalal: He was afraid. He asked me, “Doctor, it seems as though my heart has gotten weaker...won’t you take my electrocardiogram?”
Miss Sildhana: And she asked for it too.
Dr. Jalal: Instead, I gave him a shot.
Miss Sildhana: So did I. A shot of only distilled water.
Dr. Jalal: Distilled water is perfect...the best.
Miss Sildhana: Jalal, what if you were this Begam’s husband?
Dr. Jalal: And you this man’s wife?
Miss Sildhana: It would have ruined my character.
Dr. Jalal: And it would have killed me.
Miss Sildhana: People would also have taken it as a flaw in your character.
Dr. Jalal: So what’s new...every time we visit these foolhardy socialites, we damage our character.
Miss Sildhana: It will be damaged today no less.
Dr. Jalal: In fact, quite a bit.
Miss Sildhana: But theirs take long intervals to spoil...and that’s the problem.
***
Begam Sahiba: This thing, Lady’s Chatterley’s Lover, why is it lying under your pillow?
Mian Sahib: I wanted to find out just how smutty it is.
Begam Sahiba: Well then, I’ll look at it along with you.
Mian Sahib: All right. I’ll pick out passages at random and read them to you…you listen.
Begam Sahiba: Suits me fine.
Mian Sahib: I’ve already changed our middle son’s diet after consulting the doctor.
Begam Sahiba: I was sure you wouldn’t be negligent about the matter.
Mian Sahib: I never put off until tomorrow what I can do today.
Begam Sahiba: I know that...especially the thing you have in mind for today.
Mian Sahib: You look very cheery today…
Begam Sahiba: Your charm, what else.
Mian Sahib: Oh, I’m very amused...now, if I have your permission...
Begam Sahiba: Wait. Have you brushed your teeth?
Mian Sahib: Yes, I have. I even rinsed my mouth with Detrol.
Begam Sahiba: I did too.
Mian Sahib: The fact is: we’re made just for each other.
Begam Sahiba: No doubt about it.
Mian Sahib: So now, may I start reading from this wretched book at random?
Begam Sahiba: Hold on. First check my pulse.
Mian Sahib: It’s a bit fast...now check mine.
Begam Sahiba: So is yours, a trifle fast.
Mian Sahib: I wonder why.
Begam Sahiba: Your heart ailment...what else.
Mian Sahib: Makes sense. That must be it...but Dr. Jalal said that it’s nothing to worry about.
Begam Sahiba: Miss Sildhana told me the same thing.
Mian Sahib: Did she give the go-ahead after a thorough examination?
Begam Sahiba: Absolutely...after a very thorough examination.
Mian Sahib: In that case, I guess we can proceed.
Begam Sahiba: You know best...Hope it won’t have an adverse effect on your health…
Mian Sahib: Or on yours either.
Begam Sahiba: One should take a step only after long, hard deliberation...
Mian Sahib: Miss Sildhana has taken care of that, hasn’t she?
Begam Sahiba: Of what? Oh yes – yes, of that she has.
Mian Sahib: You mean, it’s perfectly safe?
Begam Sahiba: Yes, it is.
Mian Sahib: Okay, take my pulse again.
Begam Sahiba: It’s normal…Now check mine.
Mian Sahib: Yours is normal too.
Begam Sahiba: Read now, some passage from this dirty book.
Mian Sahib: As you say. My pulse is jumping again.
Begam Sahiba: So is mine.
Mian Sahib: Have you had the servants put the necessary stuff in the room?
Begam Sahiba: Yes. Everything is here.
Mian Sahib: If you don’t mind, please take my pulse again.
Begam Sahiba: Can’t you take it yourself...The stopwatch is handy.
Mian Sahib: Yes, we should note it down too.
Begam Sahiba: Where are the smelling salts?
Mian Sahib: Got to be with the rest of the stuff.
Begam Sahiba: Yes, they’re there on the teapoy.
Mian Sahib: I think we should raise the temperature in the room a bit.
Begam Sahiba: Yes, we should.
Mian Sahib: If you see me growing faint, please don’t forget to give me medicine.
Begam Sahiba: I will try if…
Mian Sahib: Yes, but otherwise, please don’t bother.
Begam Sahiba: Read, read this whole page.
Mian Sahib: Okay, listen…
Begam Sahiba: What – you sneezed?
Mian Sahib: Don’t know why.
Begam Sahiba: I’m amazed.
Mian Sahib: I no less. Begam Sahiba: I know...I lowered the thermostat instead of raising it. Forgive me.
Mian Sahib: I think it was good that I sneezed. It alerted us in time.
Begam Sahiba: I really am very sorry.
Mian Sahib: Oh, don’t worry. Twelve drops of brandy will take care of it.
Begam Sahiba: Stop! Let me pour them out. You always mess up the count.
Mian Sahib: Very true. You pour.
Begam Sahiba: Drink slowly...very slowly.
Mian Sahib: This is slow enough.
Begam Sahiba: So how do you feel now – better?
Mian Sahib: I’m getting there.
Begam Sahiba: Maybe you should rest a little.
Mian Sahib: I was feeling the need for it myself.
***
Male Servant: What’s the matter. No sign of Begam Sahib anywhere today.
Maid: She isn’t feeling well.
Male Servant: Mian Sahib isn’t feeling well either.
Maid: We saw that coming – didn’t we?
Male Servant: Yes. But I’m at a loss to understand.
Maid: Understand what?
Male Servant: These games Nature plays. We should have been on our deathbed** today instead.
Maid: What kind of talk is that? It’s they who should be on their deathbeds.
Male Servant: Now don’t bring up their being on deathbeds...that would be a marvelous sight to see. I’d be seized by this overwhelming desire to gather her into my arms and carry her into my little room.
Maid: Where are you going?
Male Servant: To look for a carpenter...that damned cot, its about to crumble.
Maid: Yes, of course. Tell him to use very sturdy wood this time.
**Manto’s use of the word is ironic. What is meant is the conjugal bed.
Translated by Muhammad Umar Memon, Department of Languages and Cultures of Asia, UW-Madison; 2013. These translations were published in The Journal of Urdu Studies. This short story has been published under the Creative Commons licence.