On Friday, the Union Ministry of Tourism and Culture made an announcement that left Mumbai residents horrified and amused. The department has decided to create “a hub of heritage and culture” for the commercial capital on the lines of New York’s Times Square in a suitable location, most likely the atmospheric Kala Ghoda area on the city’s southern tip.

The ministry aims to conjure up several cultural treasures, such as “a 15-foot-high flag of India, made of hard transparent materials and lit from within”, “large electronic billboards”, and a crew of “humans dressed as cartoon and film characters” who can be photographed with visitors.

This blueprint, the press note said, was approved at a meeting in August attended by tourism officials from both the central government and Maharashtra state, as well representatives of the Mumbai Traffic Police.

Theme restaurants

In framing their plan, however, these visionaries failed to notice a few things. To begin with, the model they’ve chosen for the project, New York’s Times Square, has come in for harsh criticism. Many New York residents have complained that, since the 1990s, Times Square’s bohemian (admittedly seedy) mix of establishments have been supplanted by a bland sprawl of theme restaurants and big-brand stores. The two-decade-long remodelling plan has been attacked for “Disneyfying” Times Square, denuding it of its edgy character and  free-spirited charm.

Mumbai's Kala Ghoda doesn't need the help of the tourism ministry to nurture a culture scene. Its distinctive character is a consequence of the fact that it has been a hub for artists since the 1940s. Kala Ghoda houses the city’s oldest public art gallery, its biggest museum and the National Gallery of Modern Art. The neighbourhood also contains several smaller art spaces, adventurous restaurants and stores with idiosyncratic products. Each winter, Kala Ghoda hosts a culture festival that draws tens of thousands of visitors to its art exhibitions, music performances and book discussions. Kala Ghoda is not a neighbourhood in need of identity reconstruction.

Instead of attempting to turn Kala Ghoda into Times Square, a mission that’s a little like trying to get Naseerudin Shah to mutate into Kim Kardashian, the authorities would serve the tragically space-starved city much better by trying to replicate the few public spaces that are already flourishing. A good model would be Shivaji Park. Every morning, the 28-acre ground is alive with aspiring Tendulkars practising at the nets, giving the area its reputation for being the nursery of Mumbai cricket. In other parts of Shivaji Park, people play football, tennis and contort themselves atop wooden poles as they perform the traditional form of gymnastics known as malkhamb.  Some people visit the temple on the western side, others attend meetings at the Scouts and Guides pavilion next to it.

Each Durga Puja, thousands of Bengalis line up at the pandal here, as they have been doing since the 1950s. December sees lakhs of Dalit visitors from around the country setting up temporary shelters in the park as they halt before paying homage to BR Ambedkar on his death anniversary at the site across the road at which he was cremated. It is the venue of choice for thunderous political rallies.

Grass museums

But most Mumbaikars come to Shivaji Park simply to stroll and then perch on its boundary wall to chat with friends or watch the world go by. Unlike the high, spiked fences that have turned other Mumbai maidans into grass museums, Shivaji Park’s brick periphery is knee-high. In effect, it’s a giant, one-km-long circular bench, a rare, free-to-use feature in a city that’s becoming increasingly privatised.

Of course, this is too good to last. For months now, residents of the low-rise buildings around the park have been demanding the right to to tear down their three- and four-storeyed apartment blocks and replace them with skyscrapers. The government-appointed Afzalpurkar committee that is reviewing the heritage list has generously accepted the merits of their arguments. Not only has it recommended liberating 187 buildings in the precinct from heritage regulations, it’s even struck off the historic Shivaji Park from the list. As the Mumbai Mirror reported on Saturday, “Its deletion from the heritage list can pave the way for encroachments and set a dangerous precedent for other heritage precincts in the city.”

None of this is surprising. Though Indians claim to deeply revere tradition, we actually want to cash it in and blow up the proceeds in an upscale mall. To be fair, it's so much more comfortable to stroll through an air-conditioned, neon-lit theme-park caricature of history than having to deal with the real thing.