Raja Ravi Varma's painted mythological heroines might have had less than charitable feelings towards their beaus from time to time. In his new Tumblr, journalist Samanth Subramanian imagines how these lusty goddesses might have rejected their better halves’ advances.

“The paintings are really full of men and women turning away from each other in various poses of awkwardness,” said Subramanian, who has captioned ten of Varma’s paintings with present-day dialogue. The Tumblr lets Satyavati give Shantanu a  earful about bad timing and Subdhadra teach Arjuna what a real fur coat is.

Subramanian credits Mallory Ortberg’s creation ‘Women Rejecting Marriage Proposals In Western Art History’ on the blog The Toast for the idea. Here’s a selection of his Ravi Varma interpretations.

This is what it will be like, won't it?
'Pick up the fruit! Mop up the milk! Clean the curtains!
I'm the CEO of a company you know

Napping! Can't hear what you're saying!

So we were at dinner all of yesterday evening, and you said nothing. but THIS is really the best time you found to ask me? When I am cold and topless and ankle-deep in a river?

Ugh, I know he plays the flute well, Mom! But flute-playing isn't everything in a marriage! Does he even have a steady job?
I'm sure he'll get one.
Hhhyeah, in those clothes? They'll laugh him right out of the interview.

Not until you learn what a real fur is. I mean: leopard skins? deer skins? Hunt me a mink, Arjuna!