Journalist Reham Khan’s tell-all memoir, which she initially self-published to the accompaniment of considerable media flutter, comes to India from a major publisher. Although the controversial details she provides in the book about ex-husband Imran Khan’s private life did little to dent his electoral victory and ascent to the post of Prime Minister of Pakistan, Reham Khan said her motivation was not that at all. “It is a self-help book”, she asserted, meant to raise serious questions about our own intelligence in how we chose our leaders and partners. “My life is no less than a soap opera,” she said, explaining that her photographic memory helped her piece her story together and publish it with the help of her son. In an interview with Scroll.in, Reham Khan revealed why her household refers to it as “the wretched book”, what it took to have it published, and what she is currently busy writing. Excerpts:
What prompted you to write a memoir?
Long before I moved back to Pakistan, a few people who knew the story behind the glamorous Reham Khan on the BBC with her designer stilettoes and seemingly endless wardrobe wanted me to write about my struggles as a single parent. I have led a very private life with my children and family. I have never socialised and have brought up my children away from the glare of media scrutiny. When Imran proposed to me, my personal details and those of my children and first marriage were splashed across mainstream and social media. Even before the marriage was made public horrible accusations were made on hour-long shows on prime time. Post-divorce, extremely disgusting lies were spread about me my children my extended family. My privacy was completely violated by both my ex-husbands coordinating together. I have no reason to guard my privacy anymore. So I decided to write a frank account of whom I met, what I saw, what I endured. The intention was to help others who may need some answers or inspiration in their own lives.
Did you rely purely on memory to piece together your life through Libya, Britain and Pakistan – and your marriages, motherhood and media career – or did you have journals or notes stowed away to help you?
We as a family tend to write notes and journals. We read it out to each other also at times. I also have an amazing photographic memory. I can remember figures, dates, events down to minor details. My friends hated this when we would prepare for exams. I would spend less than an hour while others would spend hours memorising the same material.
In the book I have given an account of interactions word for word as they happened. This was important to me to be as accurate as possible. No drama or exaggeration was added. My life is no less than a soap opera. As Mark Twain says “Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn’t.”
Your book has been described as something you resisted “extreme bullying, harassment and life-threatening situations” to bring out. Take us through what it took to get it out there.
It was a steep learning curve for me and my son. We had no contacts in the literary world. It was hard to connect to genuine literary agents and publicists. There is a great deal of networking involved in publishing. I was deceived by people. I couldn’t ask for help as it was material of a very sensitive nature and I was conscious of the very real threats involved. I did not want many people to see the draft. Most importantly, I did not want it to be heavily censored and edited. Publishers these days do not want to take risks.
HarperCollins was approached by a member of my team and they readily made an offer. After them two other major offers were made, but we wanted to join up with HarperCollins because of the faith they showed in my story. From HarperCollins I got a strong feeling that they believed in my story for all the right reasons. In the the meantime, my son Sahir, despite the pressures of his job, has become a publishing and legal expert. The work involved in self-publishing from printing to finding proof- and copy-editors to lining up legal reads was single-handedly supervised by him. It is an extremely challenging task, but he has superhuman abilities.
There have been accusations that the timing of its release, just before elections in Pakistan, was politically motivated. Did you originally plan to launch it in September 2018?
The book was not timed for the elections. I was told that Imran would be put in as PM and the Sharif surname wiped out as early as December 2015, which was then confirmed last August on the eve of our independence day. I knew the Sharifs’ fate was sealed. This book is a witness account. I was told that anyone who now speaks about Imran will be blown up. I took the threat seriously and decided it was imperative that the book comes out while I am here to answer all the questions. On the June 1 distorted versions of the manuscript were publicised on national media. It was an effort to malign my character and shape public opinion against me as well as serve a warning to me. I belong to a warrior race and will never tolerate bullying, so I decided to give them what they feared a little bit earlier. Besides, I had to bring out the unedited version before Harper’s.
Though the book initially did create some tension, many were convinced it was unlikely to deflate Imran Khan’s chances at winning. Are you disappointed that it didn’t hurt his electoral prospects? Or do you have a long term view?
I think I have answered this already. The outcome of the elections was pre-decided. All the senior journalists in the West knew the result months in advance. I was told categorically that my memoir was going to be that of the ex-wife of the PM of a Muslim nuclear armed country. In a country in which I can’t get publishers to risk bringing my book out and even printers refuse to print because they fear persecution, we were under no delusion that the elections would not be rigged. If they can put a popularly elected PM in Adiala [Jail] on a technicality, would one be so foolish to imagine you could influence the result? Hotel-owners refuse to hold book launches, pleading that their business would be shut down. My motivation was simply to put down what I know so that it would be documented. I wanted to be on the right side of history, that’s all.
Do you believe that your book can change the perception people in India and Pakistan have about Imran Khan? You have said you were concerned people had an opinion that he was an “honest” man.
The book is a self-help book. It is not to educate people about Imran. It is to question your own self. Why do we vote without knowing the reality? Why do we marry people without researching them well enough? Why do we fall for propaganda? What is the reality of politics and why is a certain kind of rhetoric used? I raise these questions. I question my own intelligence. I tell you all I know. Not only about Imran but about media, about drug abuse, about misogyny, about life as a single woman and the lies we are fed. Imran is not the only dishonest politician we have, I just happened to be married to this one.
The media has highlighted excerpts from your book that details Imran Khan’s alleged affairs, black magic, drug habit, sexual exploits, etc. Was that the kind of attention you wanted for your memoir, which was labelled “vile” and “pornographic” by some, or did you feel like your own story got pushed to the background because of the sensational stuff?
Well, I expected it all. You see they had to have some line of defence. They chose to sensationalise it. That helped generate a lot of interest. We sold a lot of books. I paid no PR company. When people actually read the book many understood what it is actually about. I got apology notes. I got emails with prayers in them. The haters are those who have either not read the book or are hired mouthpieces. You can’t help those who do not wish to be guided. I don’t really care what people think of me or my book. My job was to bring it out in my lifetime. No more no less.
Did you want to draw a line somewhere in how much of your relationship with Imran Khan you wanted to write about? Do you regret any of what you revealed?
My personal relationship with Imran was not bad at all. I was devoted to him. He was most of the time on very good behaviour with me, but of course it was all an act. He was carrying on behind my back. I had no idea until I caught him. If it had been only cheating on me perhaps I could have forgiven [him]. He was deceiving me and the nation on every count. There is a limit to how much and how many times one can forgive deceit. He fooled me for much of the time or perhaps I did not want to see the reality of this “hero”.
I have no regrets about what I have written. Imran is not an ex. He is the PM chosen by forces who know fully well all that is wrong with him. Most of the elites know everything and more about his reality. What is baffling is that they built him up as a hero, a saviour, an honest man. We all fell for it. I don’t blame anyone doubting my content. I was exactly the same.
You have clarified that the book isn’t about Imran Khan, it is about the mistakes you have made that have shaped your life. Could you talk to us about the ones you feel particularly strongly about?
The biggest mistake was of course marrying Imran. I found it took a long time for me to forgive myself for a very obvious stupidity. Not least because we come from such different backgrounds and have led such different lives. It was a mismatch right from the start which I should have realised, but also because it was an insult to my intelligence that I fell for his well-rehearsed words and continued to be in denial well into the marriage. But I now realise that all mistakes and accidents lead to our destiny. I am relieved that I am not having to stand next to a man who has lost all credibility. Even more than that, I have found my calling in life. I was not meant to be just someone’s wife. I was meant to be free.
You write about years of domestic violence and how you grew up fed on a “culture of Bollywood”, brainwashed to believe in the “concept of the husband being like a god”. Do you believe things are changing now that women have begun to speak up and reject such notions? Did it make it easier for you to write about your life?
I wish I could say things have changed but sadly that’s not the case. Things are changing at an agonisingly slow pace. A woman still feels she should make a marriage work. Indeed, no other qualification is significant if she can’t tie the knot. She still is made to feel that her existence can only be validated by the presence of a man. The toughest cookie also secretly dreams of the man who will take care of her. It is so ironic because we end up looking after the man in our life. The best times in my life have been while I have been single.
I have stayed in marriages trying to keep the husband happy and being at his beck and call at the cost of my health and wellbeing and have never been appreciated. On the contrary, cooking at midnight for my husband was rewarded by him telling everyone I was poisoning him. In the workplace, harassment is a real problem. In fact, with brash, unapologetic, misogynistic men in the top positions and a lack of women role models who walk away from bad behaviour, I sometimes feel we are regressing.
A woman who stays on with a man who is not sure that oral sex means sexual relations is telling young women to stay put when someone does not value you. Take for example this abuse that is directed towards me – do you regret not becoming the first lady? The misogyny is so blatant. Is becoming a first lady an achievement? Is living in the shadow of a man’s glory so valuable?
The language used in our media outlets describing a woman as a divorcee but a man as a playboy, a stud, is highly gender insensitive. I am described as a gold-digger while my ex married an heiress. These subliminal messages are still around for our younger girls to see.
We have not done enough to change ourselves as women yet. We need to stick up for each other more, but not on the basis of gender. Stick up for better, more competent women around you.
Are you currently facing any lawsuits on account of your memoir? Any response from Imran Khan?
I have not heard anything from Imran. No lawsuits at the moment from anyone.
Do you see this book as a sort of turning point in your life? Has it brought closure?
The book is nicknamed “the wretched book” in our household because we have worked so much on it. It was meant to put an end to interviews and further questions. The answers, the explanations, everything is in the book. Read it and you will understand who I am and how I might be very similar to you, the reader. We all make mistakes. I just made one mistake which was public. It is all behind me now.
What’s next for you? Are you enjoying producing films? Would a career in politics interest you in the future?
I am producing films and documentaries. Currently busy writing a script for a net series. No prizes for guessing it’s a political drama. For politics I think currently you need a knack for lying, the ability to be outrageously rude, and very bad hair, to qualify. If things change I might consider a career in politics.
