Play

In the unstated battle between Google and Bollywood (plus torrents) for controlling the tastes of online India, the search engine knows who's boss. That's probably why the new Google commercial is like one of those slick tearjerkers many of the country's moviemakers are so adept at producing.

It's all mind-numbingly predictable. Late middle-aged father with unfulfilled dreams that, obviously, his son will help him realise. So there's the plodding father in Shimla who had wanted to be a movie hero in Mumbai. And there's the son, played by Masaan actor Vicky Kaushal, who now wants his parents to move in with him in Mumbai. Solid family values, because the family that searches together stays together, right?

And so father and son (because, also, Father's Day?) travel around India, via Google search for locations, to recreate iconic scenes from iconic films like Sholay, Dil Chahta Hai, Rang De Basanti, Kashmir Ki Kali. Cue sweeping orchestral music and a Sufi-inspired backing track.

But it's not all weird. Some of it is weirder. Besides the unrealism of mainstream Bollywood, there is a running fantasy sequence where Google voice search actually picks up everything the young son says word-for-word.

What's the moral of the story? Google isn't a search engine. It's actually an incarnation of the Buddha. So dhund le khud ko (search for yourself).

And boy, does Google need to hire better writers for their subtitles.

"Puri zindagi dabaye rakhoge" becomes:

"Parinda ud chala aaj phalak bol ke" is turned to:

"Ek dhadkan so gayi thi kachi neend main" is now:

And here's one of the most iconic lines of dialogue from Bollywood.

Based on Google's reasoning to make the ad in the first place, we have numerous suggestions for future films. A report published last year said that the most popular Google search was Facebook. What about an ad for Google Employment? The year is 2050. All an ageing father ever wanted was to be an employee at the social networking site. Or, since Kim Kardashian is another popular search, Google Plastic Surgery. All an ageing father ever wanted was to be Kim Kardashian. His son helps him fulfil that dream. But wait, isn't porn one of the most popular searches? All an ageing father ever wanted was...NSFW content follows.

Other opinions, however, are available.

It makes you hanker for that old Google ad from 2013, the one titled Reunion, about two elderly men who met after years of being separated due to Partition. It made millions weep on both sides of the border. And although it might be a little syrupy, it actually had something to say. It's even got a Wikipedia page, albeit one that looks as if it's written by a PR agency.

Play