If you’ve ever felt a stab of sadness or been terribly lost after receiving a spiteful comment or unwarranted nastiness, you’ve probably wondered why the person was so unkind in the first place.

A new video from The School of Life has some answers. It explains that a person at peace with themselves would never have the energy to hurt someone else in the first place.

Only someone who’s in turmoil actually engages in malicious behaviour. They may appear extremely confident on the outside, but chances are high that they’re really a mess, dealing with their own demons in unhealthy ways.

The next time someone’s very bad to you, you shouldn’t allow it to get to you or belittle yourself. The video says that you should not focus on revenge. Wasting your energy doesn’t help you.

It’s a good idea, instead, to express sympathy because that person’s already paying for their sins and suffering in a twisted way.