Sexuality

The incredible sexual problems that Indians are facing

Sexual counsellor Mahinder Watsa, 91 and wicked, answers perplexing questions posed by people around India.



What first aid will we require after having sex for the first time? My fiancée and I have had oral sex many times. How safe is that?
You need not join the Red Cross; just visit a sexpert for some pre-marriage counselling. Oral sex is safe and healthy, and she will not conceive through it.

After having sex four times a day, I feel weak the next day. For about five minutes, my vision goes blank and I can’t see anything properly. Please help.
What do you expect? Shouts of ‘hurray’ and ‘I am a champion’ all over town?

I am a twenty-one-year-old man. Last week, I was oscillating my penis while masturbating. I turned it upside down and sat on it. I heard a snap, but experienced no pain. Have I fractured my penis?
Why would you want to do bhangra with your penis? Pray that you have not injured it. Do not sit on it again.

Suppose two men ejaculate in a woman’s vagina at the same time and she becomes pregnant. Which of the two could turn out to be the father of the child?
I suggest you write to the editor and enquire if there is a vacancy in the puzzle department of the newspaper.

I am a twenty-six-year-old. I have a query. Can women get pregnant if sperm, preserved in a plastic bottle, is poured into their vagina? Please do reply. It is important.
Important? What’s the reason? No pregnancy will occur with such a method.

Two days ago, I had unprotected sex with my girlfriend. To prevent pregnancy, we bought an i-pill (emergency contraceptive pill). But in the heat of the moment, I popped it instead of her. Can it cause any complications for me?
Next time around, please use a condom and make sure that you don’t swallow that too. In any case, you could have rushed to the chemist and got another one as it iseffective within  seventy-two hours of the act. The i-pill is meant only for emergency situations and must not be used as a routine family planning measure.

I am twenty-four years old. I have been in a live-in relationship with my girlfriend for a year. However, for the last few days, we are having a harrowing time because of bedbugs. Whenever we get intimate, the bugs also seem to snap into action. In fact, they have bitten me on my penis and we are afraid they might have entered my girlfriend’s vagina. We are taking care of the infestation. Can this cause any infections?
Did not know bugs also get sexually excited and enjoy oral sex. Until you get rid of them, use the floor. You may then avoid an infection.

I am 22 years old. I have sex with my girlfriend occasionally, but even when I am lying in bed, my testicles keep moving. Is this normal?
The testicles doing the salsa are unique. They rest when you fall asleep. I am sure more boys are likely to keep a watch to see if their testicles respond likewise.

I think I suffer from premature ejaculation. I get turned on by the water dripping from my bedroom AC. I allow the drops to fall on my penis and I usually come after 12 drops. I think that is too soon. My ejaculation should at least last for 40 drops. Do you think this is normal?
Remarkable and unique way to find out whether you suffer from premature ejaculation. It’s better that you see a sexologist; I assure you that he will not turn on the shower to get to the diagnosis of what is normal.

Hello, I’m 29 yrs old married woman for 10 years, have 8 yrs old son (with caesarean). I would like to know is there any test available to get it confirm with how many men a woman has slept??? (Any Vaginal test) Where can I avail that test in Pune & how much will it cost??
Rather a weird request. No such test exists. Focus on achieving happiness.

I am a 27 year old man. I like to steal women’s clothes, masturbate into them and return them. I’ve been doing this since I was 14 years old. What is wrong with me?
It is very noble of you to return them but if you’re caught, you will disgrace your family and yourself. Why don’t you buy some women’s clothing? It’s a harmless fetish if you don’t complicate matters.

I’ve heard that a lizard’s tail grows back when cut. I was curious if the same holds true for my penis?
I would not advise you to attempt such an experiment.Your penis is not a tail, and I am quite sure that there will be no volunteers for your research.

My wife inserted a hair comb inside her vagina. Subsequently she found that three four bristles of the comb remained stuck inside her vagina. Now we are afraid, please help?
A comb is a rather surprising choice. She could have used a more cylindrical object like a lipstick cover. Take her to a gynaecologist who will pick out the bristles if any are present.

My girlfriend and i have been dating for one year. We enjoy sex. But recently she has been talking a lot about her ex. This has given rise to strange problem. Every time i try to get intimate with her, i hear her ex's voice coming from her navel and asking me to get lost. I have done some research and concluded that her navel is a portal to her ex. I love her very much and i want to marry her. But this is worrying me.
Tell your friend to tell her navel friend to get lost. You need to visit a psychiatrist. Please let me know your research technique. I too shall try talking to my navel.

I have a small penis and I can’t seem to satisfy my girlfriend. My astrologer has advised me to pull it every day for 15 minutes while reciting a shloka. I have been doing this for a month but it hasn’t helped. What should I do?
If he was right, most men would have a penis hitting their knees. God doesn’t help gullible, foolish men. Go visit a sexpert instead who can teach you the art of making love.

I have heard that any kind of acidic substance can prevent pregnancy. Can I pour some drops of lemon or orange juice in my girlfriend’s vagina after the intercourse? Will it harm her?
Are you a bhel puri vendor? Where did you get this weird idea from? There are many other safe and easy methods of birth control. You can consider using a condom.

My friend feels that her breasts are getting larger because of masturbation. Is this possible?
No. Does she think the clitoris is an air pump?

Excerpted with permission from  It's Normal!, Dr Mahinder Watsa, Penguin Books India.



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Advice from an ex-robber on how to keep your home safe

Tips on a more hands-on approach of keeping your house secure.

Home, a space that is entirely ours, holds together our entire world. Where our children grow-up, parents grow old and we collect a lifetime of memories, home is a feeling as much as it’s a place. So, what do you do when your home is eyed by miscreants who prowl the neighbourhood night and day, plotting to break in? Here are a few pre-emptive measures you can take to make your home safe from burglars:

1. Get inside the mind of a burglar

Before I break the lock of a home, first I bolt the doors of the neighbouring homes. So that, even if someone hears some noise, they can’t come to help.

— Som Pashar, committed nearly 100 robberies.

Burglars study the neighbourhood to keep a check on the ins and outs of residents and target homes that can be easily accessed. Understanding how the mind of a burglar works might give insights that can be used to ward off such danger. For instance, burglars judge a house by its front doors. A house with a sturdy door, secured by an alarm system or an intimidating lock, doesn’t end up on the burglar’s target list. Upgrade the locks on your doors to the latest technology to leave a strong impression.

Here are the videos of 3 reformed robbers talking about their modus operandi and what discouraged them from robbing a house, to give you some ideas on reinforcing your home.

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2. Survey your house from inside out to scout out weaknesses

Whether it’s a dodgy back door, a misaligned window in your parent’s room or the easily accessible balcony of your kid’s room, identify signs of weakness in your home and fix them. Any sign of neglect can give burglars the idea that the house can be easily robbed because of lax internal security.

3. Think like Kevin McCallister from Home Alone

You don’t need to plant intricate booby traps like the ones in the Home Alone movies, but try to stay one step ahead of thieves. Keep your car keys on your bed-stand in the night so that you can activate the car alarm in case of unwanted visitors. When out on a vacation, convince the burglars that the house is not empty by using smart light bulbs that can be remotely controlled and switched on at night. Make sure that your newspapers don’t pile up in front of the main-door (a clear indication that the house is empty).

4. Protect your home from the outside

Collaborate with your neighbours to increase the lighting around your house and on the street – a well-lit neighbourhood makes it difficult for burglars to get-away, deterring them from targeting the area. Make sure that the police verification of your hired help is done and that he/she is trustworthy.

While many of us take home security for granted, it’s important to be proactive to eliminate even the slight chance of a robbery. As the above videos show, robbers come up with ingenious ways to break in to homes. So, take their advice and invest in a good set of locks to protect your doors. Godrej Locks offer a range of innovative locks that are un-pickable and un-duplicable. To secure your house, see here.

The article was produced by the Scroll marketing team on behalf of Godrej Locks and not by the Scroll editorial team.