Over-friendly people tend to irritate you or push your limits despite good intentions.

A new video from The School of Life tries to explain why. As it turns out, they seem to agree with everything, and while that may make them seem attentive, they’re actually not paying attention.

For some reason, their praise is always connected to things that aren’t directly related to your sense of achievement, and don’t really add value. For example, they may walk up to you and tell you how lovely your umbrella is. As the video explains, “To be praised inaccurately is its own kind of insult.”

Over-friendly people also tend to be upbeat all the time, while other people who may not be as friendly manage to establish a deep connection and actually try to understand you, including your darker parts.

The video drives home the point that over-friendliness is actually a result of too much modesty and a lack of self-confidence. To really stand a chance and make real friends, we must risk being ourselves completely, and not fear failure in a social situation instead of trying very hard to please.