We’ve had a few Nobel winners. Tagore, CV Raman, Mother Teresa (like all people from Calcutta, she was European, so it counts), Amartya Sen. We’ve never had one where the country went, “Um, who?”
And there is very good reason for that. We are busy. Busy busy with important things. There are people upset with cleavage photography. There are debates to be had whether involuntary cleavage photos pointing out said locale or voluntary cleavage film promotion photos linking cleavage to unrelated film release by star PR is apt. Abishek Bachchan is telling us to play football, sitting chief ministers are going to jail for having servants on standby with Horlicks (which I think is a noble profession, as standing professions go), people are having to write witty comments on an online store’s big sale day goof-up (a very urgent need), there’s the actress Preity Zinta telling people to stand up when patriotic songs are played or risk eviction. Where is our time to focus on Kailash Satyarthi, our latest Nobel winner, telling us children should be in school instead of washing cars and twirling in circuses?
There just isn’t the time.
Swedish people have time to notice these things. It’s cold over there. They are at home, snowing outside, looking at Indian kids at traffic signals or running around with empty plastic bottles, thinking why are those children not in a school and instead delivering Kellogg’s and Bisleri to rich people? Shouldn’t kids not have to be roaming streets half-naked? Who is helping them? That Kailash guy. Why didn’t anyone locally notice? Let’s get him over here and give him a double espresso and a medal.
Look, we did notice, ok. We aren’t caught up in our upper middle class cocoons. Absolutely not. In fact, many Indians have seen Slumdog Millionaire, some of them even twice. About 45% of our elite know that Dharavi is not a Maharshtrian house wife.
Some have even lowered their power windows and shared a Kurkure packet with said underprivileged child. People donate regularly to charities like Pratham, Doosra, Andha (blind), Bhook (Hunger), Akanksha and Anokhi, even if some of these are women’s clothing stores.
We would absolutely like to help him organise a fundraiser for the cause. It is not like urban India cannot understand this problem. Every summer, when wealthy parents can’t find things for their kids to do, apart from play on their I-Pad as they search maddeningly for speech and drama classes, Shaimak Davar dance classes, foreign language classes, swimming classes, they totally understand what its like for a child to be loitering without a goal.
They would absolutely help Kailash Satyarthi with a fundraiser but the key question has to be answered. Who is coming as the chief guest? Raising money for kids getting into schools and getting an education is all fine but without a chief guest (a who’s who, a celeb, a crème de la crème, a tycoon, a VVVVVIP person), who gives a speech that’s nonsense personal me me anecdote of their career struggle followed by cell phone photos, what is the um, point?
Is that education even worth it when no Bollywood/cricket/ TV celebrity came? Could the child, with any self-respect grow up and say, yeah that fundraiser paid for me to go to Harvard but its meaningless. I was going to invent a new microchip that will make cell phones the size of a speck but you know what, not going to do it now, will just wallow in my misery because that guy from Big Boss couldn’t bother to RSVP 12 years ago.
So you see, Mr Nobel Winner, we absolutely care. We love India’s children, gareeb, whatever. Just get them to stand next to some actor/celebrity for us to really “care care”.
Zuckerberg's hand of friendship
Mark Zuckerberg was in India, which led to a spate of fabulous Facebook-themed humor. He’s “friending” us, He “likes” Modi, gives us a “thumbs up”, and such sorts of fun was had. Just like every article about airlines always has some play on the word turbulence. “Kingfisher faces turbulent times”, “Air Asia can come through the turbulence” etc. Or every article on the theatre always begins with the observation, “All the world’s a stage.” Which, apart from everything, is factually not true. There are indeed, many parts of Earth which have no raised up for us to perform in, which is why Shakespeare wrote it as a line for an actor to say which would be the only profession delusional enough to think it was.
Would be great if this became a trend. Punning on the product the CEO represents. So when Pepsi’s Nooyi speaks, “Will she fizzle out?” or when Armani comes, “Will it be a good fit for India?”
The potential is endless.
Is it a plane?
In other news, we are about to be struck by a cyclone named after an Omani bird. Which, although a departure from North Americans naming hurricanes after old ladies (Frances, Sandy), is bizarre nonetheless. Stay safe.
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And there is very good reason for that. We are busy. Busy busy with important things. There are people upset with cleavage photography. There are debates to be had whether involuntary cleavage photos pointing out said locale or voluntary cleavage film promotion photos linking cleavage to unrelated film release by star PR is apt. Abishek Bachchan is telling us to play football, sitting chief ministers are going to jail for having servants on standby with Horlicks (which I think is a noble profession, as standing professions go), people are having to write witty comments on an online store’s big sale day goof-up (a very urgent need), there’s the actress Preity Zinta telling people to stand up when patriotic songs are played or risk eviction. Where is our time to focus on Kailash Satyarthi, our latest Nobel winner, telling us children should be in school instead of washing cars and twirling in circuses?
There just isn’t the time.
Swedish people have time to notice these things. It’s cold over there. They are at home, snowing outside, looking at Indian kids at traffic signals or running around with empty plastic bottles, thinking why are those children not in a school and instead delivering Kellogg’s and Bisleri to rich people? Shouldn’t kids not have to be roaming streets half-naked? Who is helping them? That Kailash guy. Why didn’t anyone locally notice? Let’s get him over here and give him a double espresso and a medal.
Look, we did notice, ok. We aren’t caught up in our upper middle class cocoons. Absolutely not. In fact, many Indians have seen Slumdog Millionaire, some of them even twice. About 45% of our elite know that Dharavi is not a Maharshtrian house wife.
Some have even lowered their power windows and shared a Kurkure packet with said underprivileged child. People donate regularly to charities like Pratham, Doosra, Andha (blind), Bhook (Hunger), Akanksha and Anokhi, even if some of these are women’s clothing stores.
We would absolutely like to help him organise a fundraiser for the cause. It is not like urban India cannot understand this problem. Every summer, when wealthy parents can’t find things for their kids to do, apart from play on their I-Pad as they search maddeningly for speech and drama classes, Shaimak Davar dance classes, foreign language classes, swimming classes, they totally understand what its like for a child to be loitering without a goal.
They would absolutely help Kailash Satyarthi with a fundraiser but the key question has to be answered. Who is coming as the chief guest? Raising money for kids getting into schools and getting an education is all fine but without a chief guest (a who’s who, a celeb, a crème de la crème, a tycoon, a VVVVVIP person), who gives a speech that’s nonsense personal me me anecdote of their career struggle followed by cell phone photos, what is the um, point?
Is that education even worth it when no Bollywood/cricket/ TV celebrity came? Could the child, with any self-respect grow up and say, yeah that fundraiser paid for me to go to Harvard but its meaningless. I was going to invent a new microchip that will make cell phones the size of a speck but you know what, not going to do it now, will just wallow in my misery because that guy from Big Boss couldn’t bother to RSVP 12 years ago.
So you see, Mr Nobel Winner, we absolutely care. We love India’s children, gareeb, whatever. Just get them to stand next to some actor/celebrity for us to really “care care”.
Zuckerberg's hand of friendship
Mark Zuckerberg was in India, which led to a spate of fabulous Facebook-themed humor. He’s “friending” us, He “likes” Modi, gives us a “thumbs up”, and such sorts of fun was had. Just like every article about airlines always has some play on the word turbulence. “Kingfisher faces turbulent times”, “Air Asia can come through the turbulence” etc. Or every article on the theatre always begins with the observation, “All the world’s a stage.” Which, apart from everything, is factually not true. There are indeed, many parts of Earth which have no raised up for us to perform in, which is why Shakespeare wrote it as a line for an actor to say which would be the only profession delusional enough to think it was.
Would be great if this became a trend. Punning on the product the CEO represents. So when Pepsi’s Nooyi speaks, “Will she fizzle out?” or when Armani comes, “Will it be a good fit for India?”
The potential is endless.
Is it a plane?
In other news, we are about to be struck by a cyclone named after an Omani bird. Which, although a departure from North Americans naming hurricanes after old ladies (Frances, Sandy), is bizarre nonetheless. Stay safe.